Sunday

Food Today
8am

• Double Espresso
• 2 Egg Bacon and Brie Scramble
• 1 Slice French Bread

11am

• Double Espresso
• 2 Cups Plain Yogurt

2pm

• Double Espresso

Wednesday

Food Today
11:30am

• hash with an egg

3pm

• 1 cup Yogurt

Tuesday

Food today
11 am

• 2 cups of plain yogurt

5pm

• 12 crackers with pimento cheese
• cup of V8

Monday

Food Today

10pm

• 2 cups of plain yogurt

Tuesday

Food Today
5:30am

• Double Espresso

8:30am

• Pastrami and Swiss on WW Sourdough
• 1/2c Bleuberries

10am

• 12oz V8

noon

• Double Espresso

Monday

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

6:30am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

10am

• Double Espresso
• Raisin Scone

11:30

• Banana
• 1/2c Blueberries

12:30pm

• 6oz Assorted Cheeses
• 2c Raw Carrots and Cauliflower

2pm

• 2c Grapes
• 2c Yogurt

5:30pm

• Bowl Tomato Soup
• Grilled Cheese Sandwich

8pm

• 1oz Cheddar

10pm

• 2c Yogurt

10:30pm

• 2c Yogurt

11pm

• 2c Yogurt

11:30

• 2c Fish Crackers

Tuesday

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

6:30am

• 1 slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8
• 1c Cottage Cheese

8am

• 1 Slice Pumpkin Pie

8:30am

• Double Espresso

10am

• Banana

noon

• 2c Yogurt
• 1-1/2c Grapes

2pm

• Raw Carrots and Cauliflower

4pm

• 2c Yogurt
• 1 Slice 4-4-0

Monday

Felt strong cravings (and very sleepy) after 10pm, but managed to resist them.  Was unable to sleep until after midnight.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

Times?

• slice Pumpkin Pie
• 1c Grapes
• 1c Tapioca Puidding
• Double Espresso

6pm

• Bowl of Chili
• 2 Peices of Cornbread

8pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

10pm

• 1c Tapioca Pudding

Sunday

Having trouble controlling my binge eating.  I need to get to sleep in the evening before the desire to eat kicks in.

Food today

9am

• Double Espresso

10:30am

• Double Espresso

1:30pm

• 2c Yogurt
• Double Espresso

4:30pm

• Port Chop
• Asparagus
• Snap Peas
• 1 Slice WW Sourdough
• 1/2c Grapes

6pm

• Slice of Pumpkin Pie

7:30pm

• 1-1/2c Yogurt

9:30pm

• 1/2c Peanuts

11pm

• 2-1/2c Yogurt
• 1/2c Peanuts

Wednesday

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

9am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• Raw Carrots and Cauliflower
• 2 Slices WW Sourdough
• Green Tea

11am

• Green Tea

1pm

• Double Espresso
• 3oz Brie

5:30pm

• Chili
• Cornbread

7:30

• 2oz Cheddar

9:30

• 1-1/2c Yogurt

Thursday

Thursday

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

8am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• Raw Carrots and Cauliflower

10am

• Double Espresso

1:30pm

• Pork Chop
• Green Beans
• 2 Slices Whole Wheat Sourdough

Wednesday

Wednesday

Food Today

7am

• 1c Cottage cheese
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

1pm

• Pastrami Mozzarella Sandwich
• Raw carrots and Cauliflower

5pm

• Pork Chop
• Green Beans
• Slice of Whole Wheat Sourdough

7:45

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

10pm

• 2c Yogurt

10:30

• 1/2c Cottage Cheese
• 1oz Multigrain Crackers

11:30

• 1/2c Peanuts

Tuesday

This morning I woke up to the refrigerator not running.  Luckily it was just ice blocking the flow of air.  Defrosted it and turned it back on again and all was well.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

8:30am

• Double Espresso

9:30am

• Stir-Fried Turkey, Broccoli, Snap Peas, Cauliflower and Carrots.

noon

• Double Espresso

3pm

• 1-1/2c Yogurt
• Bowl of All Bran Cereal with Non-fat Milk
• Banana

7pm

• Stir Fry Vegetables
• 2 Slice 4-4-0

9pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

Monday

Monday

Food Today

6am

• Double Espresso

8:30am

• 3oz Turkey Sausage Patties
• Thick Slice of 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

12:30

• Banana
• 1/2c Yogurt
• 5oz Ham
• 2 Slices Whole Wheat Sourdough

5:30pm

• Stir-Fried Turkey, Broccoli, Snap Peas, Cauliflower and Carrots
• 1 Slice 4-4-0

7:45pm

• 1oz Cheddar

9:30pm

• 1oz Cheddar

10:30pm

• 1-1/2c Yogurt
• Slice 4-4-0
• 2oz Multigrain Crackers

Sunday

Sunday

Food Today

8:30am

• Double Espresso

9:30am

• French Toast with Bleuberries
• 3.5oz Ham

1:30pm

• Turkey, Ham and Cheddar Sandwich
• Slice Low-guilt Pumpkin Pie

2pm

• Double Espresso

6:30pm

• Turkey Saag on Brown Basmati Rice
• 2 Peices of Cornbread

9:30pm

• 2c Yogurt

10:30pm

• Bowl of All-Bran Cereal with Skim Milk

Saturday

Saturday

Food Today

7am

• Double Espressp

9am

• Slice of Cornbread

10am

• Double Espresso
• 3oz Pastrami

3:30pm

• Bowl of Black Bean Chili
• 2 Pieces of Cornbread
• Green Tea

7pm

• Savory French Toast with Asparagus and Carrot Soup Topping
• 1 Slice Low-Guilt Pumpkin Pie

9pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

11pm

• 2c Yogurt
• Piece of Cornbread

Friday

Friday

Food Today

10am

• Double Espresso
• Slice of Low-Guilt Pumpkin Pie

1pm

• Double Espresso
• Slice of Low-Guilt Pumpkin Pie

2pm

• Slice of Cornbread

6pm

• Chili
• Slice of Corbread

8:30pm

• 2c Yogurt

9:30

• 2 Slices of Sourdough Bread

11:30

• 2 Slices of Sourdough Bread
• Bowl of All-Bran Cereal with Milk

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.

Low-Guilt Pumpkin Pie

Crust:

• 1 c Whole Wheat Flour
• 1 c All Purpose Flower
• 1/4 tsp Salt
• 1/4 tsp Baking Powder
• 1/2 c (1 stick) butter

Filling:

• 1 30 oz Can Pumpkin
• 2 12 oz Cans Condensed Milk (not sweetened)
• 1-1/2 c Splenda
• 1/2 tsp Salt
• 2 tsp Cinnamon
• 1 tsp Ground Ginger
• 1 tsp Ground Cloves

Food Today

8am

• Double espresso
• 3oz Pastrami
• 1 slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

11am

• Double Espresso

12:30pm

• Stir Fry
• Roast Beef
• Onion
• Kale
• Chard
• Carrots
• Brocolli
• Basmati Rice

3pm

• Bowl of Black Bean Chili

7pm

• Homemade Tomato Soup
• Grilled Turkey and Cheese Sandwich
• 2 Slices of Low-Guilt Pumpkin Pie

9pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese
• Slice of 4-4-0

11:30

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

Thursday

Sigh, more binging last night.  At least it wasn't sugary sweets.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

8am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 18oz V8
• 1 Slice 4-4-0

10:30am

• Double Espresso

12:30

• 2oz Roast Turkey
• 2oz Cheddar
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• Apple
• 12oz V8

1:30pm

• 2oz Veggie Straws

2pm

• 1c Cottage Cheese

Wednesday

Wednesday

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 2c V8

11am

• Carrot Soup
• 1 slice 4-4-0
• 3oz Swiss Cheese

noon

• Banana

2pm

• 2oz Snapea Crisps

5:30pm

• 2 Egg Omelet With Brie, Asparagus and Ham
• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• Banana
• 1oz Snapea Crisps

6:30pm

• 1c Yogurt

8pm

• Apple

8:30pm

• 3oz Snapea Crisps

9pm

• 1c Yogurt

10pm

• Bowl of Bran Flakes Cereal with skim Milk

Tuesday

Had trouble falling asleep.  A bit of a binge yesterday evening.  My weight was up a little this morning over yesterday.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

7am

• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 16oz V8
• 2/3c Cottage Cheese

11am

• Double Espresso

noon

• Beef Stew (Beef, Carrots, Tomatoes, Mushrooms)
• 3 Slices 4-4-0

12:30pm

• Double Espresso

2pm

• Green Tea

4:30pm

• Apple

6pm

• Beef Stew
• Grilled Potatoes
• Asparagus
• Green Beans
• Orange

7:30pm

• 1c Yogurt

9pm

• 3oz Snapea Crisps

Monday

Meh, Monday.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso

6:30am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 16oz V8
• 1 Slice 4-4-0

10am

• Double Espresso
• Turkey and Cheddar on Sourdough
• Banana
• Steamed Broccoli, Snap Peas and Cauliflower

1pm

• 4oz Snapea Crisps

4pm

• Apple
• 4oz Snapea Crisps

7pm

• Steamed Broccoli, Snap Peas and Cauliflower over Barley

7:30pm

• 2c Fat-Free Yogurt

10pm

• 6oz Black Bean Chips

10:30pm

• 2oz Snapea Crisps

11pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

Sunday

Sunday.  I'm not ready to get back to work yet.

Food Today

9am

• Double Espresso

9:30am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 12oz V8
• 1 Slice 4-4-0

10am

• Double Espresso

2pm

• Tomato Basil Bisque
• Grilled Turkey-Brie Sandwich
• 2oz Black Bean Chips

7pm

• Carrot Soup
• 3 Slices Sourdough
• 1oz Cheddar Cheese
• Spinach Salad with Orange Slices
• 1c Plain Non-fat Yogurt

Saturday

Back from Chicago.

Food Today

6:30am

• Double Espresso

7:30am

• Double Espresso

8am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 1 Slice Sourdough Bread
• 12oz V8

9:30am

• 2 English Muffins
• 2oz Ham

10:30am

• 2 Mandarin Oranges

noon

• Turkey and Swiss on Sourdough

2:30pm

• 2 Slices 4-4-0

5pm

• Grilled Port Chop
• Steamed Veggies (Snap Peas, Broccoli, Cauliflower)
• Grilled Potatoes and Yams
• 1 slice 4-4-0
• Orange and Pear Fruit Salad

7:50pm

• 1oz Cheddar Cheese

9:50pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

10:45

• 3oz Snapea Crisps

Why Is This So Hard?

I keep asking myself, "Why is this so hard?"  When I first started eating better, weighing myself, and keeping this blog, it was amazingly easy.  I feel helpless and ashamed.  I don't have a good answer, and the longer it goes on, the worse I feel.

When I spoke with Carol about this, she said it was likely related to grieving, and that I should not feel bad about it.  She phrased it like this: I should say to myself what I would say to a nephew who had the same thing happening.

Food Today

5:30am

• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 1 slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8
• Double Espresso

8am

• Double Espresso

Noon

• 2c Yogurt
• 6oz Black Bean chips
• Banana

Wednesday, Hell Day

Every second Wednesday, my team has scrum ceremonies.  As Scrum Master, I get to chair meetings for about 5 hours straight.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8
• 1c Cottage Cheese

9:30am

• Double Espresso
• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• Hummus
• Raw Cauliflower

2pm

• Green Beans
• Double Espresso
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 1c Cottage Cheese

6pm

• 1/2 Native Foods Reuben

7:30pm

• 1-1/2c Yogurt
• Apple

Tuesday

Last night my knee ached pretty badly and as a result I could not sleep.  I probably should have gotten up around 10 and had another shot of protein.  At 10:30 I got up feeling hungry and had a bowl of Snapea Crisps.  Then later at about 11:30 I had yogurt.  I probably would not have had either, if I had gotten up at 10 and had a slice of cheese.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

9:30am

• Banana

11am

• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• 4oz Mozzarella
• 12oz V8

2pm

• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• Double Espresso

5:30pm

• Braised Beef Roast
• Carrots
• Onions
• Green Beans

7:30pm

• 1oz Swiss Cheese

9:30pm

• 1oz Swiss cheese

11:30

• 1c Yogurt

Getting Back on Top

Well, the last month has been less than stellar.  I've been pretty depressed.  I was really not ready for Dad's death.  Since then I've been pretty much running on must-do tasks and self distraction.  I am also feeling a great deal of guilt/shame about not keeping up with my journal, weighing myself, etc.

I discussed this with Carol.  As always she was very supportive.  She pointed out that losing a parent is a big deal (Okay, I knew that), and that I should not feel guilty or ashamed about how I react to the loss.  I knew this, too, but had not really internalized it.

Carol's recommendation was to ease myself back into the program, and not kick myself if it takes me time to get back where I was.  So, I am going to focus on three things to begin with.

• Keep my food log up to date.
• Eat a proper breakfast first thing in the morning.
• Eat my cheese at bedtime to help curb cravings.

I'll incorporate more as time goes by.

Food Today

5:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 12 oz V8

8am

• Double Espresso

10am

• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• 3oz Brie
• Sauteed Carrots
• Apple

11am

• Double Espresso

2pm

• Apple

6pm

• Mushroom Saag
• Brown Basmati Rice
• 1 slice 4-4-0

8pm

• 1oz Swiss

10:30pm

• 3oz Snapea Crisps

11:30

• 1-1/2c Yogurt

Tuesday

Food Today
5:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 12oz V8

9:30am

• Double Espresso
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 3oz Mozzarella

12:30pm

• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 2c Raw Cauliflower

1:30pm

• Double Espresso

And... It's Monday Again

Okay, Monday officially sucks.

Food Today

5:30

• Double Espresso
• 1c Cottage Cheese
• 1 Slice 4-4-0
• 12oz V8

9am

• Cole Slaw
• 1-1/2c Yogurt

12:30pm

• 2 Slices 4-4-0
• 1 Banana
• 1c Blueberries
• 1c Tapioca Pudding

4pm

• Apple

5:30

• Grilled Brie Sandwich
• Chanterelle Mushrooms

7pm

• Tapioca Pudding

8:30pm

• 1oz Swiss
• 1oz Brie