Saturday, October 11, 2014

It Feels Like Just Yesterday, and at the Same Time It Feels Like Long Ago

So, it's been a week since Dad's funeral.  It's starting to feel a bit more real.  I'm at a loss to describe my feelings about it.  It feels more like I'm empty than I'm sad.

On top of that, I feel like there is a wall between Anita and me.  We're both tiptoeing around each other, not sure what the other is thinking or feeling.

Food Today

8:30am
  • Double Espresso
  • 1 Slice of 4-4-0
  • 1c Cottage Cheese
  • 12oz V8
1pm
  • 3oz Swiss Cheese
  • 2 Slices 4-4-0
  • ~1c of Leftover Sauteed Green Beans
  • 1 Banana
4pm
  • 1 Apple
  • 2c Yogurt
7pm
  • 1/2 Chicken Breast
  • 1c Stir Fried Spinach and Rice
  • 1 Banana
10pm
  • 6oz Black Bean Chips

Friday, October 10, 2014

Friday at Last

This has been a very hard week for me at work.  It's still too soon after my father's death, and my focus of off.  I'm glad the weekend is here.

Food Today

6:30am
  • Double Espresso
  • 3" of Baguette
  • 1c Cottage cheese
  • 12oz V8
8:30am
  • Double Espresso
11am
  • Leftover Sauteed Carrots
  • 2oz Brie
  • 2 Slices of 4-4-0
  • 2 Figs
  • Raw Broccoli and Cauliflower.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Weight Moving in the Right Direction Again

Today is the third day in a row that my weight has been down, which is encouraging.  Also, my weekly average, which had been slowly climbing over the last few weeks is down from last week.

Food Today

5:30am

  • Double Espresso
  • 1 Slice 4-4-0
  • 1c Cottage Cheese
  • 12oz V8
9am

  • 2 Slice 4-4-0
  • 1c Cottage Cheese
  • 12oz V8
noon
  • Double Espresso
  • 1 Fresh Fig
  • 2oz Brie
  • 1oz Multigrain Crackers
5:30pm
  • Sauteed Green Beans and Onions
  • Raw Broccoli and Cauliflower
  • Sauteed Carrots
  • Tomato
  • Cottage cheese
8:30
  • 1-1/2c Yogurt

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Feeling a Bit Less Awful

Today I woke up and didn't feel so tired I could barely move.  I still feel an emptiness in the pit of my stomach, but it's not the constant ache I've felt there the last week.

My sister texted me and asked how I'm doing.  I guess one good thing that came out of this is she and I are closer.

Food Today

5:30am
  • Double Espresso
  • 1 Slice 4-4-0
  • 1c Cottage Cheese
  • 12oz V8
7:30
  • Double Espresso
  • 2 Slices of Banana Bread
12:30
  • 1-1/2c FF Yogurt
5:30pm
  • Tomato Sauce and Kidney Beans
  • 2 Slices 4-4-0
9:30pm
  • 2c Yogurt
10pm
  • Banana
  • 1/2c Multigrain Crackers

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Not All Bad News

One small bit of good news:  The recovery of the drive in the array succeeded last night.

The aquarium is not looking any better today than it did yesterday.  The protein skimmer is still filling very quickly and oozing foam out the vent.  The water is still quite murky.

Food Today

5:30am

  • Double Espresso
  • 1c Cottage Cheese
  • 1 Slice 4-4-0
  • 12oz V8
9am
  • Double Espresso
  • 4oz Mozzarella
  • 1 Slice 4-4-0
  • 1lb Package of Prepared Raw Carrots, Broccoli, Cauliflower
12:30pm
  • Apple
  • 2 Slices Banana Bread
3:30pm
  • 1 Slice Banana Bread
7pm
  • Green Salad
  • Spinach Ravioli with Marinara Sauce
  • 1 Small Tomato
  • 1/4c Cottage Cheese
10pm
  • 1-1/2c FF Yogurt

Monday, October 6, 2014

Back to Normal?

Today we picked the dogs up from the vet.  It's nice to have them around again.  Ren's enthusiasm is contagious.  I know it's a cliche, but the world seems to be going on as usual around me, but I feel somehow outside of it.

There was more death in the aquarium last night, as many of the invertebrates seem to have succumbed.  The water is very murky and the protein skimmer fills in about 8 hours and foams out of the air vent constantly.  The timer on the lights is not working, so I will need to reprogram that.

I'm trying to get back into the habit of recording what I eat.  So far I've been doing abysmally.  As Carol says, everyone has lapses.  The important thing is to get back on track and not let the lapses discourage you.

Food Today

I don't recall breakfast or lunch.

5:30pm
  • Green Salad with a Red Wine Vinaigrette and Crumbled Bleu Cheese.
  • 2 Small tomatoes
  • 1/3c Cottage cheese

Sunday, October 5, 2014

It Finally Hit Me on the Flight Home

Today we flew home from Ohio. That was when it finally sunk in that dad was gone. I realized that I would never have an opportunity to tell him I love him, and I regretted every unkind word I ever spoke to him, and I thought about the times we had together that are sharpest in my memory.

Dad had a very strange way of showing his affection. One of my earliest memory of dad, was when he and I ate together at some diner somewhere, probably while I was riding along on one of his milk routes. I was probably 7 or 8 at the time. After the meal, we stood together at the cash register so he could pay. There was one of those toothpick dispensers where you twist the knob and a toothpick drops onto a rack. Dad got his toothpick and as I reached to do likewise, he slapped my hand away and said, "Get away from that, you know you don't know nothing about machinery." He did it as a joke for the benefit of the waitress who was taking his money, but I was mortified. That is the first time I can remember being the butt of one of his terrible jokes and pranks.

It took me 40 years to realize that he only made people that he loved the butt of his jokes. In his own twisted way, it was how he would tell us. I would dearly love to be the butt of just one more of his awful jokes.

So we flew home, and Anita held me, and let me cry and somehow managed to wrangle a box of Kleenex from the flight attendants.

When we got home, we discovered that something had gone wrong with the aquarium while we were away and the electric breaker had been tripped. All of our fish died and many of the invertebrates are looking pretty weak. I spent the afternoon after we arrived home cleaning up the mess and trying to salvage the remaining creatures in the aquarium. I don't have a lot of optimism about this, as the water is very murky.  I removed the sump from the system, and will be cleaning it out this week or next weekend.  In the meantime, I am doing daily 10% water changes, and replacing the charcoal in the canister filter.

On top of that, my server is reporting a failed drive in one of the arrays, the KVM switch on my desk is acting up, and I seem to have picked up a cold.